If you read my post Brave Knights and Heroic Courage, you’ll have noticed that I reflected on my character and that I feel I relate to Susan Pevensie more than any of her siblings. 

Susan is comfortable in what she knows, she does not want to explore Narnia and follow a talking beaver (after all, when Peter relays that the beaver said he knows the faun, Susan exclaims: “It’s a beaver! It shouldn’t be saying anything!”), she doesn’t know what will happen. She feels safe in what she knows, and putting herself out there is too terrifying. But she’ll do it, only if her family needs her. 

Ask anyone who knows me, and they’ll probably tell you I’m a lot like Susan. I don’t want to put myself out there, it’s uncomfortable. 

Last year, I went all alone to a Lab Manager conference in Denver for work. And while it was scary (and I’m still not a fan of flying)…it was also kinda fun. Once I got over the initial fear of wanting to lock myself in my hotel room and never come out (after barely managing to navigate the airport alone), I found that I really enjoyed myself. So much so that I’m going to try to go again next year.

This year, I am trying to work on doing new things that get me out there and more comfortable. Here are a couple things on the list for this year:

1. ASL

I signed up for an American Sign Language course through my library. All by myself. Going with people I knew would have made me far more comfortable, but once I went to that first class, I found that I really enjoyed it. People didn’t seem to be judging me, and weren’t even really talking with me (as that isn’t the point of the class). Everyone’s eyes are on the instructor, and when it comes time to practice, everyone’s so worried about making the signs correctly, they’re not focusing on me (not that they ever were, again, it’s a brain issue). More importantly, I’m focusing so hard on making the signs correctly that I’m not thinking about how everyone in the room has the potential to judge me for something.

2. Going to events at work

Granted, I do usually only go when the Administrative Assistant asks me if I’d like to join her, but I’ll give myself credit here! The last couple of years I would’ve said, sorry, no, I’m busy doing something or other. But now, I try to say yes, because I know I need to push myself, and I know she’ll be there if I need a safety net. 

3. Volunteer with 4-H

I grew up in 4-H shooting sports, and was very involved in my local club, even when I aged out. After I moved across the country, I’d considered getting back into it (since I’m certified in both shotgun and archery), but then remembered I didn’t know anyone here, so that must be awkward. I’m actually getting recertified in shotgun today (due to moving states), and have already started helping out with the local shotgun 4-H club this month. And I’m on the list for being an instructor in the archery club when it starts back up (after they announce when the archery recertifications are). It’s nice to get back out there and invest your time in kids.

4. Volunteer with a local church/homeschool group

I’ve signed up to help with a VBS and create a science day for homeschoolers with a nearby church. As you guys know, I love science, and being able to impress a cool science experiment (with microbes, of course) on young kids is such an amazing opportunity. And I was homeschooled, so I feel like I’m giving back, too.

You can tell from my points above that I’m an introvert, and to some degree have a level of social anxiety that I just can’t quite get over (yet). Realistically, I know I have no reason to be so anxious of new things and things where I don’t have someone there as my safety net. I know I spend a lot more time than I should debating if I can do something (when I know I can). 

Yet, my calendar is very busy this summer, with volunteering, events, a potential conference, and one last trip squeezed in before I start back at work. And that makes me happy, and gives me a good feeling. While I usually try to still talk myself out of the event right before it starts (whether it’s 4-H, a night of VBS, or a conference I was excited for but am now stressed about), once I walk inside, all that fear and anxiety goes out the window. Kind of like when I get a cavity filled. I hate the numbing gel and the shot, but once I struggle through that, I’m perfectly fine while they’re drilling away. It’s just the start that bothers me, and probably just because I psych myself out beforehand.

This year, I challenge you to try new things, and tackle something that you know has been holding you back. After all:

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

– 2 Timothy 1:7, King James Version

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