Have you ever had a goal in life, and when given the opportunity, fail at it twice? And when given the opportunity a third time, do you take it?

I moved to the Midwest to pursue a Ph.D. After a not-so-great advisor, I switched to another one, and realized I wasn’t a good fit for that lab, either. So I dropped down to a Master’s degree, wanting to get out of that environment as soon as I could. (You can read more about this in Part 3 and Part 6 of my When It’s Time to Give Up and Let God series).

After I got my Masters in December 2023, I applied to two different schools for a Ph.D. in Health Sciences. I was not accepted to one, and when I asked why, they told me I wasn’t accepted (not a super detailed response on how I could have had a better application). But the other told me I was accepted within days of applying. Now I had a decision. Would I go through with it?

Unlike my prior attempt, this one doesn’t come with a Research Assistant or Teaching Assistant fellowship. I’m on the hook for the full $36,000 for this degree. After doing the math, with my two part time jobs, we can afford it. 

But I failed before, twice. I know this opportunity is different – different school, different program, and it’s online – but it’s still in the back of my head that I failed the first two times. What makes this one different? In fact, this one will be more work – working a full time job, two part time, volunteering with 4-H, keeping up with Back to Stable Hill, and managing to do well in school.

My parents still believe in me, and Matt believes in me, too. It’s always great when you have people you love who are willing to support you. I’ve always wanted a Ph.D., and now that I have some job experience, I realize that having one will get me closer to where I want to be. If everything goes to plan, I’ll finish in December 2028. I still have no idea what I’ll base my dissertation on, or what to do when I’m overwhelmed…but I’ll figure it out, and I’ll have help and support when doing so. 

I asked Matt what happens if I fail the third time, and he told me to stop being ridiculous and to get a better outlook on it. I am excited to get a Ph.D. – that would be an amazing accomplishment. I just have to get over thinking about how I failed it twice. 

Besides, I’ve already used the last of my education fund that my parents put aside for me (thank you so very much!), and that alone will help me stay motivated to finish it – I don’t want to waste money in this economy!

As I’m getting everything in line to take classes again in less than a month, I’m realizing that it’s okay to have doubts based on past experiences…but that letting those rule your outlook on the opportunity is not a good thing. I will finish this program in a couple of years with a Ph.D., and I’m so ready for that day!

Have you had any past experiences like this?

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